House Martin
£25.00
A lot of lies about house martins, from the ‘Lies About Birds’ series. (Scroll down to read the text.) Illustrated with a poor photograph of a paper bird I have made out of old RSPB magazines.
A4 print, mounted (and put in a cellophane bag to prevent escapes).
(Please note that, regretfully, I don’t send work outside of the UK.)
1 in stock
“House martins wear big, white, fireproof underpants pulled tightly over their stout little bottoms. This is necessary because house martins are gas-propelled. In the months prior to migration house martins feed on gas-filled insects found only at great heights due to all the gas preventing them from getting back down to the ground. House martins compress the gas inside them in a special sac and on migration it is forced in little gusts out of their back ends in the equivalent of jet power. Their heads get so hot thanks to the resulting speed that their head feathers turn blue. Stray sparks are dealt with by the fireproof underpants. On arrival in the UK most house martins are empty of gas but that’s fine because they are attracted here by the famous British diet of long-boiled cabbage and Brussel’s sprouts. The delightful sound of house martins farting as they whoosh up to their nests is one of the joys of summer.”
